When my wife and I attend church we are always amazed at how few of our own peers are attending church. Look around you next time you are at church and you will notice there are very few 30 to 40 year olds around you. Then look again you’ll notice a even bigger group that is missing, how many children can you count who are between the ages of 2 and 4? I would wager you would be hard pressed to count more than a handful in church. Where did all the thirty something’s and toddlers go? Some may say that “generation x” has lost it’s religion / faith and is a very materialistic generation, and falling into this category my self I can’t disagree totally with that statement. I feel there is something greater at play here, something more fundamentally wrong. I know many faith filled Catholic friends who just don’t go to church regularly. It’s not that they don’t like church, or that they are lazy. No the real reason many of us thirty something’s don’t go to church is due to the simple fact that we don’t feel welcome.

I don’t blame the priests for this; on the contrary they are always friendly and inviting to my family when we enter the church. No the problem is with my fellow Christians sitting in the pews beside us. Our church doesn’t have a crying room (this in it’s self is another matter to be discussed in a whole other post!) and so as a family with two toddlers, and a fun loving 8 year old we sit in the last row at the back of the church. We always get there early as I hate being late, so when anyone sits down they are very aware that our end of the church is well, not exactly going to be the most quiet. Most of the time when ever my children start to make noise we get following predictable results:

1. The old single lady who gives the dirty looks
2. The young dating couple that moves far away in the middle of mass
3. And my favorite personal favorite the parents of teenagers that somehow lost there memory and give the slight glance to what could possible make those noises behind them

All of these things make my wife and I feel terrible, as we struggle with our children during mass. I think to my self what is the point in going to mass. I can’t hear the homily, or pay attention to any of the readings. And to top it off I just don’t feel welcome by my fellow parishioners. I know that just attending mass, and receiving the Holy Eucharist brings spiritual power, but I’m sad to say it’s hard to feel that power when the experience is so negative. So here is the reason I think most thirty something’s with young children don’t attend church. They simply don’t feel welcome or supported.

The Catholic Church pays a lot of lip service to supporting the family, but when it comes down to it we fail big time at this task for parents of young children.  This is the reason why we are loosing the generation x group at such a fast pace. We just are not offering them environment that feels supportive and nurturing. Other protestant denominations offer far more holistic programs that support the family as a whole. Many people are good at pointing out the problems, but I have solutions. These are things I think the Catholic Church should make universal throughout the world:

1. Offer childcare and programs for children ages 0 – 4 all year round and at least one mass each weekend
2. Support young families with home based prayer groups where couples with young children can meet and share their faith community
3. Adopt a few Sundays a year as “Family Sundays” where the church promotes children and family in the church. Think “Christmas children’s mass only during the year”

These are very simple steps, but they could have dramatic results in getting younger families back to the Lords table. I have heard some say it is not the role of the Catholic Church to provide daycare, or activities for young children. Parents should come to mass and just teach their children to be quite. Anyone with a toddler will tell you this is a pipe dream from the 1950’s. The only reason my parents generation got a toddler to be quiet in mass was the threat of physical violence (aka the smack), and no self respecting young parent would do that now. (well no one I know) I believe people need and want community, and if we want the future of our church to be prosperous and bright we need to support families who will bring their children up in the faith.